Haunting Me Tonight
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: AU Rachel has known she could see spirits since she was four. She works to send them to the other side. After moving to Lima she meets Puck, a ghost that hasn't been dead for very long at all. She intends to send him on to the other side. Not that easy.


The first time Rachel Berry saw a ghost she was four years-old. Her grandmother had died and she didn't quite understand what that meant. She just knew that her grandmother wasn't going to be coming back. Both of her fathers explained it to her over and over again, that Grandma loved her and would come see her if she could but she was gone, that she was in a better place. Daddy cried for nearly a week after Grandma died and Rachel didn't understand it. She didn't cry. She didn't feel sad. She wasn't sure why but she didn't.

She didn't understand why everyone felt sad at the cemetery either or what a cemetery really was. She wasn't sure what the coffin was and she didn't like all of the people in her house afterwards talking to Daddy and telling him how great Grandma was. She knew her grandmother was great. She didn't want people she had never met talking about her. It was weird.

That night Daddy was too upset to tuck her in so Dad did it. He tucked her in and kissed the top of her head, told her that Daddy would be okay soon and that it was okay to be sad over Grandma. But she wasn't sad. She didn't want to be sad.

It wasn't until her father left and she was trying to fall asleep that she saw her, the woman standing near the foot of her bed. And she thought she should scream but then the woman sat down and it was her grandmother. And Rachel asked her why she was there when Daddy said she wouldn't come back and she smiled and told her that she was there to say goodbye. She told her that she loved her and she knew she'd have a wonderful life. She told her she would always be with her even if she couldn't see her. And then she vanished into thin air just as quickly as she had appeared.

When she told Daddy about it he got strange. He refused to look at her and he cried and Dad said that it was just a dream, that talking about Grandma just made Daddy sad. He asked Rachel not to mention it again so she didn't. But she kept on seeing people that weren't there, hearing them. And she would tell her fathers. But they just thought she was strange or something was wrong with her. They thought maybe she was sick.

So when she was ten years old they brought her to see a specialist. She heard them talking about her. They said that she was scaring them and that they thought maybe she was sick and that people would think she was crazy. So when she went to see the therapist that they wanted her to see and she was asked about that, seeing and hearing people that weren't there she lied. She lied and she said that she had made it up for attention and that she was sorry if she had upset her fathers.

After that she never mentioned when she saw dead people again. But she still saw them.

There was no rhyme or reason to when she saw them. They'd be anywhere, everywhere. They'd talk to her and they'd sit with her. And as time went on she learned that sometimes they just wanted to be heard, sometimes they needed help. That she could help them to go onto their afterlife though she was never quite sure what that meant.

She was always the strange girl though. People would see her talking to no one and so they made fun of her at school. They called her crazy and they all avoided her like she was diseased. So she got used to being alone. But then Daddy got a new job. Daddy got a new job and that meant that they would be moving to a new town. So she thought that she would get a brand new start.

Lima, Ohio was sort of boring or so she thought. She didn't have any ghosts in her house which was a blessing and she hadn't seen any in the first week that she had been there. But she wasn't ignored or avoided in school. She somehow managed to be unpopular without even doing anything. It was two days into her first day of school when she got her first slushie to the face. She stood there frozen in place, the icy drink dripping down her face, her bottom lip quivering. The football player that threw it at her was laughing and the cheerleaders down the hall thought it was hysterical. She hated them instantly and didn't think she could ever stop hating them.

Eventually she got used to getting hit with slushies. She didn't like it, not by a long shot but she got used to it. She got used to being called all sorts of horrible names for being short and for them picking on the way she dressed. She got used to being an outcast because she had been at her old school, too. Only at least this time they didn't think she was completely and totally insane. They just thought she was a loser, a geek. She could live with that.

She's been at the school for two weeks and she's in the bathroom washing her face off when her mostly quiet life is shaken to the core. She's bending over the sink and scrubbing at the slushie on her face, trying to get it out of her skin. Her eyes are stinging from the corn syrup and her clothes are soaked. She needs to change them as quickly as she can. But she's standing there in the girl's room and she hears laughing. And the strange thing is she knows that no one was in there when she first got there and she hadn't heard anyone come in.

But then she hears nothing and she scrubs at her face again. But then she hears the laughter again. And then a voice. A distinctly male voice. "Just bend over a little more…"

She straightens herself up instantly, water dripping down her face and she sees a man in the mirror. He's about her age and his has this strange smirk on his face that she can't quite read, that could be either amused or perverted or just a permanent look on his face. She's not sure. But then she turns around to look at him head on, her hair sticking to her face and he's gone. And she thinks that maybe she's going completely and totally insane.

She would be able to think he was just a figment of her imagination again if she didn't keep on seeing him after that. She sees him when she's in the halls and he's leaning against lockers watching people talk. She sees him laughing when other people get slushied; she sees him sitting on the bleachers watching football practice, watching the cheerleaders. She sees him walking out of the girl's locker room- or going through the door is more accurate. She keeps on seeing him but she can never say anything to him. There are always people around when she sees him and she doesn't want to seem crazy.

It's not until one day she's at the water fountain and she hears that laugh again that she gets the chance to actually say anything. She's hunched over and she hears him, as clear as day, laughing next to her. And she straightens up, wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and turns towards him, puts her hands on her hips. "Would you be so kind as to stop trying to look up my skirt? I don't appreciate you being perverted with me."

He seems shocked which she can't blame him for. She doubts that he thought someone could actually see him. Because he turns around to look behind him like he's trying to see who she might be talking to but then when he realizes that there's no one in the hall but them. And then he looks back at her, his eyes widening slightly. "You can see me." It's not a question. More of a surprised statement.

"See you, hear you. And kick your ghostly butt if you keep on trying to look up my skirt." She had learned a long time ago if she wanted to she could touch ghosts. She doesn't like to do it though. They're always ice cold and they make her flesh crawl. It's a strange, disturbing feeling but when she has to she does it. And it never hurts to be able to do it. It can make annoying ghosts leave you alone.

His expression is dubious at best but still Rachel purses her lips, sets her jaw, picks up her bag and hoists it over her shoulder, stomps one little foot and storms around him. Or, more accurately, she slams against his arm on her way down the hall.

The dead shouldn't be able to be surprised but that dead boy? He's left flabbergasted. 

* * *

><p>Before Rachel can make it home she is pelted with a slushie. After the first few days she learned to bring extra clothes to school just in case. So before she leaves she goes into the bathroom, checks around for any perverted ghosts, changes, shoves her soaked clothes into a plastic bag and cleans herself up. She brings home almost one slushied outfit a day and her fathers don't seem to notice that she comes home in different clothing than she leaves in. And they never get extra laundry anyway. She hides the slushied clothes in the back of her closet and washes them all on her father's date night. She'd rather not have them worry too much about her. They already have a sneaking suspicion something about her was odd. They didn't need to know that she got bullied.<p>

Making her way upstairs Rachel dashes into her room and closes the door behind her, hid her clothes in the back of her closet.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

That voice. No way. It wasn't possible. Yes, ghosts were basically able to go wherever they wanted though they rarely traveled. And if they did it was just to see loved ones, not to pester people like her. Her life isn't an episode of _Ghost Whisperer_. That stuff just doesn't happen. But sure enough, when she turns around he's standing there at her dresser, going through one of her drawers.

She didn't notice it when she was berating him in the hall but he's actually rather attractive- for a dead guy. He has a nice bone structure in his face and his eyes are a lovely hazel green. His hairstyle in her mind is a bit ridiculous- a mohawk just seemed childish to her- but his hair is dark and he's got a nice build. Were he living he could definitely be considered a very attractive man. He would probably have girls all over him. Maybe had he in life. She doesn't know and she doesn't care. His life was now over. He's dead. And dead men don't get girls. They just either linger around or they move on. That's all there is to it. That's really all there can be to it. There is no romance or sex or anything of the like for the dead. They were simply dead.

"Everything is so bright and cheery and…ruffly." Curling his lip in disgust he holds up a pair of her underwear on one transparent finger- she hates how some ghosts can touch things when most can't- and yes, the underwear is admittedly pink and ruffly but that's hardly the point. "Do you actually wear this stuff?"

Rachel blushes underneath her normally olivey complexion and moves over to him quickly, snatches the piece of clothing off of his finger and throws it in the drawer. "What are you doing in my room?"

"Either you're a wicked hot, wicked mature looking, super smart twelve year-old, or you just can't dress yourself. Those are the only two possible explanations for you to wear the weird clothes you do."

"There's nothing wrong with my clothes."

"You wear sweaters with animals on them. Half of your clothes look like a baby would wear them and the other half looks like something a grandmother would wear. Your clothes are nothing _but_ wrong."

Pursing her lips Rachel takes a deep breath, tries very hard not to scream. "What are you doing here?"

"You can see me." An expression that's a cross between a smirk and a smile spreads across his face as he plops down onto her bed, legs stretched out in front of him. He makes himself perfectly at home and for a moment Rachel has an irrational urge to tell him to take his feet off of her bed. But then she remembers that he's a ghost and he can't actually get dirt on her sheets. "Never had anyone see me before. Never thought the first person to see me would be some twelve year-old freak genius or whatever you are."

"I'm not twelve. I'm sixteen. And I'm not a freak. I'm-"

"A slushie magnet." He looks far too amused for Rachel's taste. He chuckles and shakes his head. "I started the whole slushie thing, y'know? It was just too fucking perfect. And it caught on like crazy. But, seriously? You might as well paint a target on your back. Glee club _and_ you dress like a pedophile's wet dream? You couldn't ask for it more if you tried."

"If coming here was just a plot to annoy me you're doing a very good job of it."

"Do you know how boring it is being dead?" It's obviously a rhetorical question as she would have no way of really knowing. Being alive makes that impossible. "It's boring as fuck. No one can really see you- except for you which makes you a freak whether you want to admit it or not. You have no one to talk to. And trust me- after a week of talking to yourself that shit gets boring. Imagine an eternity of it."

Rachel has to give him that one. Having no one to talk to but yourself for all eternity has to be pretty boring. But at the same time she can't bring herself to be overly sympathetic towards him. Thus far he's proven himself to be little more than brutish and annoying for the most part he's probably the most annoying ghost that she has ever met and that's saying something all things considered. Still, she sits down on the opposite end of the bed as him, sits down so she's looking at him and can see his face. He looks far too comfortable on her bed for her taste but she lets it slide. For now at least. "Who are you?"

"Name's Puck. And you're Rachel. That's the advantage of being dead. People say shit and don't realize that you can hear them."

"_Puck_?" Both of her eyebrows arch towards her hairline. "Who names their kid _Puck_?"

"It's a nickname." He sounds like he could pout but to his credit he doesn't.

"How'd you get that nickname? You like hockey or something?"

"Fuck no." He says it like she just offended him. And maybe she has. She noticed that the hockey players in that school are almost as low on the social ladder as she is herself. " 's short for my last name. Puckerman." When she just looks at him he sighs dramatically like maybe she'd giving him a hard time. She's not. She's not at all. Not yet at least. "Noah. Noah Puckerman."

He must not like the little smile that spreads across her face because he rolls his eyes. But she can't help it. She likes the name Noah. She finds it masculine and lovely. Not that she'd tell him that.

"So, you're a junior, huh?" He seems far too eager to change the subject for her not to be amused by it. "I'd be a senior this year if I wasn't, y'know…" He motions to himself. "Dead."

"Wait….so, you're about a year older than me? Or, well, you would be."

"Guess so."

'So, when did you…?"

"Die? You can say it. Not like I don't know I'm dead." She sort of glares. He ignores it. " 'Bout a year ago, I guess. They don't know I'm dead yet though. They all think I ran away or some shit. Gotta admit- sounds kinda like something I'd do. Really, I got drunk off me ass, fell off a cliff, cracked my fucking skull open. Body's kinda off the beaten path. No surprise they haven't found me yet. Been hanging around the school to see how everyone reacts when they finally do. Should be fucking priceless."

"Well, do you know where your body is?"

" 'Course I do." He looks at her like she's insane for thinking he might not. But she had to ask, "Went by to see it a few times. Let me tell you- nature and animals and shit? They make a mess of a body. Just a year and I'm basically just bones and shit."

Rachel mentally cringed at the idea of watching your own body decay. That had to be creepy and surreal but for some reason he didn't seem bothered by it. But maybe he was putting on a front. After all, he seemed basically alright with being dead and she had never met someone who had been dead for only a year seem so content with the notion. "Well, just tell me where your body is and that will be that then."

"What?"

"You'll have closure. You'll be able to move on. Go to the other side or wherever people go."

"Fuck that shit. I _like it_ here. I don't wanna move on or whatever."

"But that's how this works, Noah. People like me help people like you move on."

"Well, go play therapist to the dead with someone else. 'Cause I ain't down with that shit."

She opens her mouth to reply to him but he vanishes like he was never there at all. And God, how she hates stubborn ghosts. Especially when they vanish like that. 

* * *

><p>Rachel isn't sure what possesses her to try to find out more about Noah. It's not as though she thinks she can change his mind about moving on by shoving a bunch of facts about him down his throat. The closest she can figure is that she feels like if she knows more about him, understands him better, that she might actually have a chance at convincing him. Maybe. If she's lucky. But she doubt she will be. She's never lucky. Something always goes wrong.<p>

Almost the instant that she decides that she's going to try to find out more about Noah she decides against asking people about him. She may not be a scholar on what is and what isn't socially acceptable but she's all too aware that people would find it weird for the new girl to start asking around about a guy that went missing before she moved into town. Since she never heard anyone talking about him she'd have no reason to even know his name. So, discussing him with people was definitely out. It had been a year, after all. She doubted anyone, outside of maybe his family, even cared much anymore that he was missing. People can adapt and move on rather quickly. Especially teenagers.

So logically- or at least by her definition- Rachel finds herself in the school library looking at year books. And sure enough there is Noah, playing football, basketball, baseball. There are a couple of candid shots of him with Finn, the quarterback. And Rachel has to admit that his class picture doesn't do him justice. It doesn't capture his smirk very well at all. But it's sort of strange to be gathering details about his life through a yearbook. Of course, going directly to the source was out of the question. No way he would cooperate. If being stubborn were an Olympic sport she had a feeling Noah would win the gold medal. If ghosts actually had the Olympics.

"Rachel?" The petite brunette's head shoots up when she hears a familiar voice. Mr. Schue is standing there looking at her with furrowed eyebrows. She can't tell if he's concerned or surprised to see her sitting alone in the corner of the library like that. Maybe neither. She likes Mr. Schue, she really does, but sometimes she just doesn't understand him. Of course, the fact of the matter is that she doesn't really understand the living very well to begin with. Sadly the dead are easier for her.

Her eyes shift down to the open yearbook in front of her like she's just remembering what she's looking at and she closes it as quickly as she can but not quite quick enough. Mr. Schue sees what she's looking at. The furrow of his brow deepens and he sits down next to her, opens the book back up like he knows just what page she was looking at. And apparently he has a good idea because he opens to the page where there's a picture of Noah and Finn.

Schue heaves a weary sigh and shakes his head a little. "Puck was a handful." It strikes her as odd that he would use that nickname for a student. Then again, Schue has always struck her as a little odd. Nice but odd. "He was always getting in trouble for something. Usually something ridiculous. And he was smart. Not that you could tell that from his grades."

Turning his gaze away from the yearbook Schue just looks at Rachel for several beats like he's studying her. And maybe in a way he is. It must strike him as quite odd she'd be looking up a person she'd never met, that never gets mentioned. And then when he finally speaks his voice comes out calm, serene. "You see him, don't you?"

"I…" Well, talk about an unexpected turn of events.

"I knew there was something different about you, Rachel. Knew from the first day you started school here. I could feel it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I see him, too." Rachel wouldn't be able to hide the surprise on her face if her life depended on it. "In the halls at school. I think about saying something to him more of the time but he's always around when there are other people around, students. And how could I explain to them that I was talking to the ghost of a student that's been missing for a year? They'd think I'm crazy. And I think you know that just as well as I do."

If you had asked Rachel is she thought she would meet someone else like her after moving to Lima let alone have that person be a teacher she would have told you in no uncertain terms to get your head examined. In fact, she had never met someone like her before. She had heard about them so she knew she wasn't the only one but she had never met another person like her. It was strange and startling but also comforting in a way. She wasn't the only one around. She wasn't alone. 

* * *

><p>Noah is sitting on her bed when she gets home. And maybe she should be surprised but she's not. She somehow knew when he found out she could see him that he would invite himself to annoy her whenever he saw fit. "You know," he drawls lazily. "One of the best parts about being dead is not having to go to school. Eternal summer vacation."<p>

"Mr. Schue says 'hello'." Not exactly true but not a complete lie. He'd probably say it to Noah himself if he got the chance.

"What?"

"Mr. Schue says 'hello'."

"Are you fucking serious?" He climbs off of the bed, his eyes wide in confusion. "Why the fuck would he do that? How the…?"

"He can see you." She says it in a tone that indicates that should be obvious. And in her mind it should be.

"Shit." He goes from looking confused to looking panicked. "_Shit_. That means he's heard all the shit I've said about the guidance counselor he has a hard-on for. Fuck. I make so many jokes when they're around each other. Fuck… and some of the other shit I've done at that school…" His eyes dance around the room and when they land back on her they look haunted, strangely enough. "He's gonna kill me when he finds out."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're already dead."

"Yea, but still!" He gestures wildly. "He'll find a way to kill a ghost for all that crap. I shit you not."

"I never understood that expression."

"Are you _kidding me_?" She shrugs her shoulders dismissively and he groans, sits back down on the bed heavily. "My life is over."

"Technically it's already over since you're dead."

"Okay, my afterlife then. Whatever."

"You're not really in the afterlife either. This is sort of like limbo."

"What-fucking-ever. I don't care what you call it. It's still over."

"And people call _me_ dramatic."

Noah glares at her but in all honesty it doesn't faze her. Really he _is_ being dramatic for absolutely no logical reason. So, Mr. Schue had heard him say some less than savory things. Big deal. It seemed, from what Schue had said, that being rude or cross might just be par for the course for Noah. Or was when he was alive. Why would him being dead change that? Logically it wouldn't. Logically it wouldn't change much about your personality at all unless you had a reason to become a really, really angry spirit.

"Honestly, Noah. You're overreacting. I doubt Mr. Schue cares what you say about whoever. You're dead. What's he going to do? Send you to the principal's office?"

"I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"What?"

"Noah."

"Well, I refuse to call you 'Puck'. I think it's a ridiculous nickname and Noah is lovely. I don't understand why you have a problem with being called that. Be regardless I'm going to keep on calling you by your first name whether you like it or not. You don't have a choice in the matter. I can call you whatever I want."

"You're frustrating."

"Way to call the kettle black, pot."

"What?"

"Never mind."

He looks at her like she just grew an extra head which is rich coming from the ghost that was just thinking about the impending end of his life. She ignores it though. She gets that look from the living all the time anyway. She's gotten to the point in her life where it doesn't faze her anymore. Not in the slightest.

"Look," she starts in the most reasonable voice she can muster up. "Mr. Schue is like me, okay? I'm sure he gets that death doesn't change one's personality. And he knew you before you died. So, with that in mind, do you honestly think that anything you've said has fazed him even a little?"

Noah looks thoughtful for several beats and then he shrugs his shoulders a little bit. "Probably not."

"So, then what's the point in worrying?"

"You're kinda smart, y'know."

"You sound surprised."

" 'Cause I am."

Rachel ignores the way he smirks when she rolls her eyes. 

* * *

><p>The thing about Noah is that it's sort of easy to get used to him being around. After a while it's like a habit- come home, dump slushie covered clothes into the closet, say 'hello' to Noah without even turning around. She doesn't even have to wonder if he's going to show up after school. He just does. Sometimes he talks too much, mostly about stuff she doesn't care about but she lets it slide because he spent a whole year with no one being able to hear him. Sometimes it's distracting like when she's trying to do her homework. But she lives with it. She's learned how to deal. She's learned to ignore him when the need to do so arises and he never complains. Because he knows she hears him. And that seems to be enough.<p>

Sometimes she sees him at school still. They don't talk. It's like he knows that she doesn't need anyone else thinking she's weird. But she'll see him in the hall and sometimes he smiles at her. Or she'll see him on the bleachers watching the cheerleaders or football practice. Sometimes she sees him coming out of the girls locker room and she sends him a scathing look. And he just winks and laughs, vanishes as ghosts tend to do.

She doesn't ask where he goes when he's not around. He's always gone before she goes to bed and he's never there in the morning. She thinks maybe he goes and looks at his body like he said he would at times. Or maybe he pops in to check on his family but the thought of that sort of makes her sad. She pictures them still waiting for answers, waiting for him to come home or for his body to be found. She pictures his mother going into his room in the morning, the room that she's kept exactly the same since he vanished, sitting down on the bed and just thinking of her son. Sometimes she pictures Noah standing in the doorway watching her.

That's what she's thinking about in the morning one day while getting ready for school. She thinks about his mother sitting in his room waiting for answers, answers she could get quickly if Noah would just tell her where his body is. She's thinking about how hard it must be for that woman not to know what happened to her son as she goes about her morning routine. And really? Rachel can't imagine how difficult that must be. It must feel like a part of her is dying every day wondering what happened to him.

"Well, damn."

Noah's voice startles her so much she nearly slips and falls on the still wet bathroom floor. She stands u from where she's leaning over to pull up her skirt and yanks it up hastily, zips it mindlessly and grabs her sweater to hold it in front of her chest as she gapes at his reflection in the mirror. "Noah!" She could sound more scandalized if she tried.

"You know, until you bent over just now I had no idea you had such a nice ass under those granny panties of yours."

"Noah Puckerman, I swear-"

She must look downright demented because Noah's eyes widen and he mumbles a very clear 'shit' before he vanishes.

"Noah!" she calls after him. "Get your transparent butt back here before I kill you- wait…"

She swears she can hear him laughing.

And okay, so maybe having him around isn't always great. 

* * *

><p>When Rachel first meets Jesse St. James she gets the same type of feeling that Mr. Schue claimed to have gotten when he first met her- that Jesse is different, special, not like everyone else. He strolls through the halls of McKinley wearing a type of confidence on his sleeve that Rachel only pretends to have. And Rachel swears that if people actually have theme songs that played when they walked into the room his would be Carly Simon's <em>You're So Vain<em>. Not because she thinks he's necessarily vain but he simply walks into a place like he owns it. He's the type of person that demands attention simply by being there. And she's never encountered someone like that before. Not even a ghost. And she's met a lot of ghosts. Even Noah doesn't come across as that confident.

Noah doesn't like him. He makes no effort to hide it. Quite the contrary. He's quite vocal in his dislike for the man. Nearly every night Noah will sit in her room and have _something_ to say about Jesse- usually less than savory and filled with colorful expletives. And yet when Rachel flat-out asks him what it is that he dislikes so much about Jesse, Noah doesn't have a _real_ answer. All he can say is that Jesse gives him a bad vibe and that he doesn't trust him.

Things just seem to get worse when she actually starts to spend real time with Jesse. Noah pouts like a petulant child and gets angry at her for no logical reason. And finally one day she's had enough of that and she slams her hands down on her desk while in the middle of doing her homework. "You're acting like a jealous boyfriend."

Noah doesn't say anything back. At first he just seems surprised. But soon he recovers. And glares. She expected nothing less.

Rachel continues to spend time with Jesse after that and Noah flat-out refuses to talk about him. Rachel thinks he's being a baby but Noah doesn't ever want to hear it. He just rolls his eyes and vanishes when she tells him that. So she's given up. Instead she just pretends, for them, that Jesse doesn't exist.

The problem with that though is that she almost never sees Noah around school after Jesse gets there. It's like his sanctuary has been violated in some way. Maybe to him it has. But it's strange not to see him in the halls at all. And when Jesse comes home with her one day to help her work on something for glee club she doesn't see Noah at all.

She looks for him the entire afternoon, the entire evening. She looks for him around her house, even calls out to him while she's sitting on her bed but he doesn't show up. It's like he's mad at her for bringing Jesse into a place that they spend time in together. But that's ridiculous because it's her house and she can bring anyone in that she wants to. Noah has no say in the matter. So she really wants to be angry at him for being a stubborn brat. But really she just misses him.

She's half asleep that night when she feels something brushing through her hair, something cool and yet it almost feels like a breeze. When she opens her eyes Noah is lying there on the bed watching her, his fingers brushing through her hair. It's so hard to remember sometimes that ghosts can't touch everyone but they can touch people like her and Schue just as she can touch then. But she's never had a ghost touch her before. She's shoved them or bumped into them. But she's never had one touch her the way Noah is touching her.

"You were gone all day today," she whispers into the quiet of the room.

"You had Jesse here." He says it like she should know better than to expect him there with Jesse around. And maybe she should but that doesn't mean she has to like it. She wishes he could be less selfish. She wishes that he wouldn't care so much about her bringing her classmate to her home to help her on a project for her glee club. But she doesn't say any of that. She wants to but she keeps it to herself. He's just rolls his eyes at her and remind her he doesn't trust Jesse anyway. And they've had that conversation about a million times before. "Did you miss me?"

"No." It's a lie but she makes it sound like it isn't. She wonders though if he knows the truth.

"Ouch." He flinches like he's been wounded. "That hurts."

"You can't hurt. You're dead."

"I may be dead but it still hurts."

"Don't make me throw something through you."

The corner of his mouth twitches like he wants to smile, his fingers still brushing through her hair. Even though it's cold its oddly soothing and she realizes then just how much she _did_ miss him that day. She's gotten so attached to him it's probably sad, probably very sad. But she's so used to him being around that without him there she honestly missed him when he wasn't there. But she can't admit that. She can never admit that.

"I can sing, you know," he tells her off-handedly in a calm, soothing sort of voice.

"Yeah?" She closes her eyes back up because she needs to get some sleep. She has school in the morning. "Sing to me, Noah?"

"Why do you want me to sing to you?"

"I don't know. I just want you to."

"You're a real pain in the ass, Berry." He doesn't sound like he really means it though. And even if it does what is he going to do about it? He has to either be around her or be around Schue and he doesn't seem to be around his former teacher.

At first Rachel thinks he's not going to do it. But then, after a few moments, she hears his voice filling the room and she knows he's singing to her. She can't quite tell what song he's singing because she's already half asleep but the fact that he's actually willing to sing with her fills her with an odd warmth.

She falls asleep while he's singing.

* * *

><p>Jesse is out of school for a few days, out of town on a family trip. It's a couple of weeks since he was in her house and Noah was hiding and he's gone. So, of course, Noah shows up. She sees him moving down the halls and slipping through doors. He's in the hall when she's on her way to the bathroom and he smiles as her as she walks past him. She can't help but smile back.<p>

He's in the music room when she gets there. Mr. Schue isn't there yet but even if he was he wouldn't say anything to his former student with the others in the room. He wouldn't be able to explain talking to a man that's not there. Or at least not there to them. Rachel sits down and Noah sits down next to her which is amusing since he doesn't technically have to sit. He can't ever get tired of standing. If he weren't dead though it would seem so normal. It would seem like she was sitting with a friend. But if he were alive she doubts they'd be friends. How could a football player ever be friends with a glee geek like her?

Santana and Quinn are sitting in front of her. They're beautiful and popular, both of them cheerleaders and always in uniform which Rachel doesn't understand. She thinks it's stupid to wear your uniform all the time, things it should be reserved for games but she has no say in the matter. No one cares what she thinks anyway. The two girls are talking animatedly, their ponytails bobbing, their hands moving in exaggerated gestures. Rachel thinks they look stupid but she also secretly wishes that she could be like them. Be normal, be liked, be popular. She wishes she had friends- and the perverted ghost sitting next to her doesn't count.

At first she can't hear what they're talking about. At first they just keep on waving their hands in that animated way, their faces full of amusement. But they don't stay quiet for long. Santana isn't known for being able to be quiet. Not in the slightest. And then Rachel hears Jesse's name and she can't help but listen even harder. She considers Jesse a friend, sort of. She swears that's why.

"I don't know," Santana says after a moment and shakes her head. "He's sort of a diva. But I'd still fuck him until he couldn't see straight."

Rachel doesn't understand why that annoys her. It's not like she has a thing for Jesse. She honestly doesn't. But Santana is…well, she's Santana. And she makes her life hell. And she's sort of known for sleeping around so she just gets annoyed. She gets so very annoyed.

"Life isn't a garden. So stop being a ho." She didn't even realize she was saying it until she heard her voice. And she instantly thinks that she should have kept her mouth shut.

"_Really_?" Puck sounds far too amused for her taste.

"Shut up."

Santana is looking at her like she could kill her. She had turned around the second Rachel spoke. But then her eyes narrow and she just looks confused as all hell. "Who the hell are you talking to?" Great. How was she supposed to explain herself?

"Um, nobody. I mean- myself. I was talking to myself."

"I'm truly hurt that I'm nobody to you, Rach. I thought we had something special here."

It isn't until Santana turns around and looks back at Quinn, gives the blonde girl a look that says she just knew that Rachel was crazy and she just turned around proved it, it wasn't until that happened that Rachel looked at Noah and gave him a look that would freeze pigeons in midflight. But Noah just smiles. He smiles and he laughs.

And Rachel just wants to smack him upside the head for being annoying. But to everyone else she'd look like she was hitting air and she doesn't need them to think she's even crazier. 

* * *

><p>Jesse has been back for a week and Santana hits on him every chance she gets. Rachel knows that the Latina doesn't really like Jesse. She's just trying to prove that she can get him. And that's what bothers her. But she doesn't say anything because the last thing she needs is more problems with the Cheerleaders. And besides that it's none of her business. Jesse can take care of himself. She's positive of that. She just doesn't like the idea of Santana using him to prove a point.<p>

Noah starts to show up at school from time to time. He doesn't stay long. He pops in and visits for a while but then leaves. She sees him in the hall sometimes. He waves at her or he smiles and when that happens she gets this weird, warm sensation and she smiles back which must make her look foolish to the rest of the people in the school.

She doesn't know how to explain that feeling she gets. She knows it's not like the feeling she gets when she sees Jesse. Or even Finn who is the nicest to her out of the popular kids. It's different. It's like her skin starts to tingle. And she's never felt that way when a guy talked to her or smiled at her. Not a living one and definitely not a dead one. But she's not sure what it is so she tries not to think too much of it. It just would confuse her if she tried.

She's sitting in the music room one day after school with Jesse. He's helping her working on a song and she sees Noah walk past the room and he stops, listens to her for a few seconds as she's singing. And then he smiles at her, this amused sort of smile, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. Then he vanishes like he was never there.

Jesse stops playing the piano and looks at her, rests his hands in his lap. "When is he going to move on?"

Rachel turns her head sharply to look at him, her eyebrows furrowing. "What are you talking about?"

"Him." Jesse nods towards the spot where Noah was just standing and then looks back at the little brunette girl. "When is he going to move on to the other side?"

"You…you see him?" For some reason she can't quite explain it makes her feel cold. She doesn't like the idea of Jesse seeing Noah and she can't quite explain why. It makes her feel anxious, uneasy. Her mouth feels dry suddenly. And she can't explain it. She just feels like it's a bad, bad thing that Jesse can see Noah. And she doesn't know why.

"Obviously."

She feels sick for a moment and has to sit down on one of the chairs in room. That makes three different people in the same town that that can see spirits. And she's not sure why that is. It doesn't seem right. And it makes her wonder why Jesse had suddenly moved there. Yes, she had moved there, too. But it seems too strange that both of them should move to that down. And it seems strange to her that he should mention Noah moving on to her instead of trying to do something about it himself.

How long has he known that she sees Noah? Does he know how often she talks to him? Does he somehow know that Noah comes and visits her at home all the time? That he talks to her and they laugh, and that Noah has quickly become her best friend? But then she wonders how he could possibly know that? But it just feels like he does. Because he's looking at her like he can see through her. And it shakes her to the core.

"He doesn't belong here anymore," Jesse tells her. And she knows. She knows that. She's been telling her that since she first met Noah, and she's been trying to psych herself up to get him to tell her where his body is. Because he has to move on. He just has to. The dead don't belong with the living. They never have. But she can't bring herself to ask him to tell her where his body is. It's selfish but she wants him around.

"You have to get him to move on." But Rachel can't say anything back to him. Because she thinks of her life without Noah and it's a lonely life. It's one with no real friends, one where she has no one to talk to every day. It makes her feel empty inside. And she knows if he was alive he wouldn't be her friend. But he's not. He's dead. And he's her friend. And she doesn't want to lose him. She _can't_ lose him. 

* * *

><p>Rachel can't sleep that night. She tries to but no matter what she does she can't seem to fall asleep. She keeps rolling over and she keeps readjusting her pajamas when they get tangled around her body. Her mind won't quiet down and she's worried. She's worried that she's going to have to say goodbye to Noah soon. And she knows that's silly because he should have been gone already. But she just isn't sure if she's ready to let him go.<p>

She's just rolled over again and her shirt is bunching up so her navel is exposed. And she groans under her breath at the idea of having to reach down and fix it again. And then she feels it, that cold feeling against her stomach just like the feeling she got when Noah's fingers touched her hair.

Opening her eyes she sees Noah lying on her bed, on his side, propping his head up with one arm, temple pressed against his head. His other hand is on her stomach, fingers brushing over her skin. And her skin tingles from the cold. "Can't sleep?"

"No." She doesn't want him to ask her why and he doesn't, like he knows that he's not going to like the answer if she tells him. He lays his palm flat on her stomach and her skin tingles even more. And despite the cold of him touching her she feels warm inside in a strange way, a way she's never felt warm before. Her stomach clenches in this new and surprising way as she looks up at him.

"I could sing to you, if you want," he offers and as nice as that sounds she doesn't think he should. It will just be one more thing she gets used to that will be taken away when he leaves.

And that's the problem. She knows he has to leave. Jesse was right. Noah doesn't belong there anymore. He's dead. He's been dead for over a year and he has to leave. He has to move on. His mother needs closure. She needs to know what happened to her son. And as long as his body isn't found she'll never have that closure. She just wants his family to be able to move on even if it means losing someone who has become as important to her as her own family.

"Noah," she says, her voice sounding so loud in the quiet of the room. "I need you tell me something. I need you to be honest with me."

He looks skeptical instantly. He looks like he doesn't want to discuss whatever it is she wants to discuss. It's like he knows what she's about to ask. But she has this completely serious look on her face and maybe he knows that she's not going to just let it go. Because he nods his head and he starts to brush his fingers over her stomach again. "Alright." He doesn't sound like he likes it but he agrees. "Go ahead and ask."

"I need you to tell me where your body is."

"Rachel…" He trails off and closes his eyes like the idea of telling her what she wants to know hurts him. And she wonders for the first time if spirits can actually feel pain. Do they suffer for all eternity? Do they actually feel something hurting them when they see people they knew in life feel sad or get hurt? She doesn't know. She doesn't think she'll ever know.

"You need to tell me, Noah." Reaching up she touches his cheek with her palm. And her skin feels icy where it touches him. "I need to know. You know I need to know. You know it's the right thing."

"Do you want me to go away?" he asks her. His eyes open and for a moment she thinks that he looks sad. And she feels really horrible, like maybe she was doing the worst thing in the world by asking him that. "Do you want me to go away, Rach?"

"I just need to know where your body is."

He closes his eyes again and his hand goes flat against her stomach once more. And for a little while neither of them says anything. And then when he talks again his voice sounds distant, sad. "I'll tell you." The words seem strangled, like he's afraid. And maybe he is. Maybe he's afraid of telling her because he doesn't want to go away. And she can understand that, in theory. It must be scary to go into the unknown of the afterlife. It's not as though anyone can actually tell you what to expect.

His mouth moves close to her ear and he whispers the answer to the question she asked and for some reason, as soon as she hears those words she's able to fall asleep. 

* * *

><p>When Rachel goes to find Noah's body she understands why it hasn't been found before. It's really off the beaten path to say the least. And Rachel had to pull out her hiking boots in the morning when she got dressed to go and look for the body. And even then she isn't so sure her feet are going to be able to handle the hike. She's never been an outdoorsy type of girl. She's not big on hiking and she doesn't like travelling unknown areas on foot. But she knows she has to do it. For Noah to rest. For Noah to move on and go on to wherever it is that he's supposed to go.<p>

She doesn't like hiking. She really doesn't. But she has to make her way through the wooded area- she's not even sure you consider them woods- to get to where the body is. Her boots aren't even broken in properly yet so they make her feel really uncomfortable but she tries to ignore it as she makes her way through the trees and towards the cliff side. She isn't sure if she even wants to find Noah's body. And not just because she doesn't want him to go away but because she isn't sure if she wants to see what's left of him.

But in the end she _does_ find him. She almost trips and falls flat on her face. And when she looks down she realizes what she almost tripped over is a skull, his skull. And she knows it's his because when she crouches down and moves some of the leaves and dirt away from the bones and looks at the facial structure it just fits him.

She sits down next to the body and runs her fingers over the skull, almost like she's caressing the skin that's no longer there. And yes, there's almost nothing left of him but bones. He had said that but she's looking at proof of it. And it makes her sad. It makes her so sad to see his body like that, nothing but bones left. It makes him being dead more real than it has ever been before.

"I told you there wasn't much left of me." Rachel turns her head the moment she hears his voice and just looks at him standing there with his hands in his pockets while he looks at her. Then his eyes shift down to his bones and he just looks down at them. "I know you don't really want to see it but this is what's left of me."

"I know." She takes her hands away from his bones and just rests her hands in her lap for a little bit. Now she's found him. Now she can tell people where his body is. Now he can move on to the other side. And she's happy for him but it makes her feel oddly empty inside. And she's not quite sure why that is. She can't figure it out for the life of her.

"Don't tell anyone." Noah's voice startles her and she turns her head to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed, her head cocked slightly to the side. "Don't tell anyone where my body is. I'll have to leave."

"I know."

"I'll be gone, Rachel. Forever."

"I know."

"Do you want me to go away?"

Rachel opens her mouth to answer and then closes her mouth right back up again. Because the truth is that she doesn't want that. She doesn't want him to go away. She's never had a problem with having a ghost move on before. But Noah's different. He makes her feel like she's not so alone. And she doesn't know what she'll do when he's gone. It feels like her whole life will shift and it's not fair. It's not fair that he's dead. She wants him to just stay there with her. She knows he can't but that's what she wants. More than anything in the world.

After a moment she stands up and brushes the leaves off of her. "That's how this works, Noah."

"But I don't want to go away." He takes his hands out of his pockets and moves closer to her, moves until he's in front of her. "I don't want to go away. I like it here. I like it here with you. I like talking to you. I like sitting in your room and annoying you while you do your homework. I like listening to you sing. Don't send me away, Rachel."

"Noah…"

"Please. Don't send me away."

Rachel looks up at him and for the first time she thinks he actually looks vulnerable. And she didn't think he was capable of looking that way. But he _does_ look vulnerable. He looks so damn vulnerable standing there.

Reaching up he touches her cheek with the palm of his hand and she shivers but she keeps looking up at his face. "You're dead, Noah," she reminds him. "You don't belong here."

"Maybe I don't," he concedes. "But this is where I want to be."

It isn't until he leans down and he presses his lips against hers that's she understands. The skin of her lips tingles when he kisses her and she feels like her head is spinning. And that's when she knows why she doesn't want him to go away. It's because she loves him. She went and fell in love with a ghost and she knows it can never work. But she also knows at that point that she's not going to be able to send him away. Not knowing now that she loves him. Not knowing that he means so very much to her.

And she knows she's completely and totally screwed for loving him when he's dead. 

* * *

><p>Schue is sitting in his office grading papers when Rachel comes rushing in. she looks like she's about to burst into tears and she closes the door behind her. And it's when she sits down in one of the chair in front of his desk that she actually starts crying. And not just crying but sobbing, her tiny little shoulders shaking and her head hung low.<p>

He doesn't know what's upset her so much. He's sort of frozen with shock for a moment before he gets up and grabs his tissue box, holds it out to her and sits on the edge of his desk. "Rachel, what happened?"

And after first she can't talk. At first she doesn't know what to say. But then she grabs a couple of tissues and blows her nose and she looks up at him with sad, sad eyes. "Noah's gone."

"Rachel…" The teacher furrows his eyebrows as he looks at her. "That's what happens with dead people. They eventually move on. You knew he was going to leave." He doesn't understand why she's so upset that he's gone. If she sees spirits then she knows what happens to them when their time comes. They go into the proverbial life and they leave that plane.

"But I'm the only one who knows where his body is," she argues. "And I didn't tell anyone. But he's gone. He's gone and I can't find him. He's not coming when I call. He always comes when I call." She starts to sob again and Schue flinches at the sound. "You have to help me find him. I have to say goodbye. Please. If he's going away I have to say goodbye. I'll never be able to live with myself if I don't."

He looks like he's not going to do it at first but after a while she convinces him. And that's how he finds himself traipsing through the woods with her towards the area where she said Puck's body was. But then she stops dead in her tracks and looks around, shakes her head. "No.." She trails off a little. "No, no, no." And that's when he smells it. The smell of smoke. And he knows. Somehow he knows.

Rachel takes out running a couple of seconds before he does. And she runs fast in her flats and her little skirt. It's hard to catch up with her. But he comes out into a small opening with her and he sees a familiar figure standing in front of a fire.

"Jesse!" Rachel sounds so hurt, so scared that it shocks him for a few moments.

Jesse St. James turns around and looks at her with a completely blank look on his face. "Rachel."

"Why?" She sounds so weak and pathetic. She sounds like she's about to break, fall on her knees and start hysterical crying. "Why are you doing this?"

On the fire bones are burning and without asking Schue knows that they're Puck's. That's not how they're usually supposed to handle things. They're supposed to turn the location of the body in. burning the bones can send them away but it's a last resort. And if Jesse found the bones then he knows Noah has been lingering around. And so he knows the procedure.

"I knew you wouldn't do it," Jesse tells her in a calm, empty tone. "I knew you got too attached to him. So I followed you. I followed you and I saw you with him. I saw you find his body. And then he kissed you and I knew you wouldn't send him away like you're supposed to. So I had to do it. He doesn't belong here anymore, Rachel. He's dead. He had to move on. I did what you couldn't."

Rachel's bottom lip trembles and she steps closer to Jesse. And before Schue can stop her she slaps him. She slaps him hard across the face and Jesse's head snaps to the side. "You bastard," she whispers. "You bastard!"

She launches herself at Jesse and Schue lunges forward, grabs her around the waist and holds her back. And even though he knows Jesse is right, that Puck had to move on he doesn't agree with the methods. So in the end he just looks at Jesse like he couldn't be more disappointed if he tried.

Schue has to drag Rachel back to the car and she breaks down hysterical crying in the passenger side seat. He wants to help her but he's not sure how. So he just lets her sit there and cry for a while. But when the sobs start to slow down and she looks up at him, her eyes puffy and red but determined he knows he's not going to like what she's about to tell him.

"You have to help me," she tells him. "I still have to say goodbye." 

* * *

><p>It's dark. That's the first thing that Rachel registers. She thought it might be. She thought that death or being close to it would make the world dark and she was right. She almost feels bad for talking Mr. Schue into what she did but she had no choice. She had to say goodbye to Noah. And she's not going to die. They planned it perfectly. The amount of time they need between putting her into that near death state and saving her. They have it down to the wire. She knows she'll be alright.<p>

If Noah is really moving on then the only place she can see him is the realm of the dead. So at first it's only darkness. She opens her eyes and looks into the abyss. The nothingness is so startling that she feels cold, ice cold and she just stands there though she's not sure there's even a floor. But she's still standing there.

"Noah!" Her voice sounds almost desperate as she calls out to him. She doesn't know where he is but she feels him there, as strange as that sounds. She can just tell that he's still there. It's like he's a part of her and she'd know if he had moved on. She knows she would. "Noah!"

For a while she hears no response and she closes his eyes like she's going to cry.

"Rachel!" She knows his voice and then when she opens her eyes he's standing there looking at her with this horrified look on his face. He's never seemed more solid, more real even though he's still mostly transparent. And she supposes that she is, too. She doesn't look down to see. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I had to see you." She reaches up and puts her hands on his face and for the first time he doesn't feel cold. Maybe the dead can't feel cold to someone else who happens to be dead. Or close to it. "I couldn't let you go away without seeing you."

"Rachel, what did you do?"

"I'm going to be okay," she assures him. "Mr. Schue is watching over me. He won't let anything happen to me." She stands on her tiptoes so she can press her forehead against his. "You can't leave, Noah. You can't leave. You have to come back with me."

"I can't, Rachel."

"I thought ghosts could go anywhere they wanted!"

"Not anymore, Rach. Not without my body." He sounds so remorseful it breaks her heart.

"I can't," she whispers, shakes her head. "I can't go back. Not without you. I won't go back without you. I'm going to stay here. With you. I'm not leaving you."

"_No_." His voice is so firm that her eyes snap open. He's looking down at her with a fire in his eyes that she hadn't expected. "No, you're not staying here with me. You have to go back, Rachel. You have to live."

"I don't want to go back without you," she whispers to him. "I can't." She feels like she could cry but she doesn't. Maybe the dead can't. "I love you, Noah. I can't go without you."

For a few seconds he just looks down at her and then his arms go around her waist and he kisses her. He kisses her like there's no tomorrow. He kisses her like he could live again if he just kept on kissing her. And it felt so much more real than before because they're both the same then. They're both the same for a while.

The kiss seems to go on forever but when the kiss breaks there's this light behind him. And she knows. She just knows it's the afterlife waiting for him. And she can feel a light behind her. Its life trying to call her back.

"I love you too, baby," he whispers down at her. "I wish I had fucking met you before. I wouldn't have ended up on that cliff. I'd have been with you. Every fucking second." Noah kisses her again and then he takes a step back from her, his arms falling away from her. "And that's why you have to go. Because I love you. I don't want you here. Not yet. You deserve so much more than this."

"Noah, no."

Noah gives her this sad smile. And then his hands are on her shoulders and he pushes her. He pushes her and she feels herself falling. The light takes ahold of her and she feels herself being pulled back to life. She reaches out to him to hold onto him, to try to make sure that she can stay with him but it doesn't work. He just watches her and starts to step back towards his own light.

And just before she opens her eyes she swears she hears him say he loves her. 

* * *

><p>There's no closure. Two weeks later and there's no closure. Jesse's gone. He left town as soon as Rachel came to. But there had been no body to give closure to Noah's family and she can't find closure. Her home feels empty without him in her bedroom, lying in bed with her and stroking her hair. The halls of the school feel empty without him wandering through them and smiling at her whenever he sees her. Her dads know something's wrong but she just tells them that she's suddenly homesick, that she'll get over it.<p>

But at school she's even more distant from the other students than she usually is. She doesn't react anymore when they slushie her. And she's acting so weird that Finn comes and sits next to her in glee club most of the time so that he can make sure she's not alone. And it's sweet that he's so concerned. She gives him a brave smile whenever he does that, appreciates his kindness- he's about the only one that's ever nice to her- but it doesn't make her feel any better. The effort is appreciated though. It's more than she could have ever asked for.

Mr. Schue knows she's broken inside with Noah gone. He can see it in her eyes and he tries to be sympathetic but she knows that he wanted Noah to move on. And she understands it but her heart feels like its shattered.

It's exactly two weeks after Noah went away that she's sitting in the music room. She got there early and has been sitting there while Brad plays some random melody on the piano. The others file in and she barely notices them. It's not until Mr. Schue comes in that she even looks up. Because he claps his hands to get their attention and then he smiles a little.

"Guys," he says. "We have a new member of glee club." Two weeks ago she would have been excited. Now she can't bring herself to care. "Come on in."

Everyone looks towards the door. The others because Schue told them to without words. Her because she wants to pretend she's alright. But when she looks her heard stops and then slams into her throat like she's about to choke to death. Because she knows that face. She knows it like her own.

"Noah." Her voice comes out in a hushed whisper. And she can't believe that it's true. Because he's gone. He went into the light. She saw it. And then she realizes she said his name out loud and she must look crazy. That the new member must be coming in behind him.

But then she hears Santana mumble 'holy fucking shit' under her breath and she knows that they see him, too.

Her body on autopilot she stands up from her seat and makes her way over to him, watches him tilt his head down to look at her and she reaches up, touches his face. His skin is warm and real. And he's solid. He's totally solid. And he's there. It's not her imagination. Not her imagination at all. "But..."

"Where the fuck have you been?" Finn sounds pissed as hell as he says it. And when Rachel looks at him he looks just as pissed as he sounds. And Finn never curses. Or she's never heard him curse. And then she thinks of all of those candid shots of them in the yearbook and it makes sense. Noah was his friend. Of course he'd sound pissed. Too bad she can't jump up and defend him by saying he's been dead this whole year. It would make it so much easier for him.

"Better question," Santana pipes up. "Why is the hobbit touching you like that? Like she fucking knows you?" Yeah, Rachel really can't stand her sometimes.

Noah looks down at Rachel and then takes her hands off of his face and wraps an arm around her waist, pulls her to his side. "Got hit on the head," he says casually. And isn't that the understatement of the decade. "Had amnesia for a while. Only remembered my first name. Ended up in Rachel's hometown. Met her there. You might say we got close." So many lies. Well, minus them getting close. But he can't exactly tell them the truth, can he? Not that she knows the whole truth.

"Got hit again recently. Brought it all back. So, here I am." Finn doesn't look satisfied with the answer but Mr. Schue saves Noah from having to lie anymore by telling them that they have to, have to, _have to_ get to practicing for their competition. And he says it in a way that leaves no room for arguments so Noah just keeps his arm around Rachel's waist and walks back with her to the chairs, sits down next to her so she's between him and his best friend.

The entire glee club meeting she just wants to ask him what's going on but she knows she can't. It makes her anxious and makes her want to take him by the hand and drag him out of that room so she could talk to him. But she can't do that either. So she just waits. She waits and clenches at the bottom of her skirt and her legs shake a little bit.

And then as soon as they get dismissed she stands, puts her backpack strap over her shoulder and drags Noah out of the room with her. Or he lets her think she's dragging him. She's not big enough to drag him with her no matter how hard she tried. But he follows her anyway, stops and looks down at her when she turns her head towards him.

She folds her arms over her little chest as she looks up at him, her eyes annoyed and surprised and scared, so scared, like she thinks that he's about to vanish into thin air. And he can't really blame her for that. "What happened?"

"I don't know." It's an honest answer.

"You're _dead_."

Reaching up he pats himself like he's checking to see if she's right. "I feel pretty alive if I do say so myself."

"That's not possible."

"I don't know what happened," he repeats. "I wish I did. All I know is I woke up at the bottom of that cliff. I pushed you into the light so you'd live and I stepped into my own. And then I woke up at the bottom of that cliff. And I had no fucking clue what happened. So I went to Schue. And he doesn't know either. He's never seen this happen before. But I'm alive. I'm okay. I mean, the back of my head hurts like a bitch if you press against where I hit it but…I'm okay."

"The dead…they can't come back. You were bones. You were dead for a year."

"Maybe it was a gift," he says as soothingly as he can. His arms slip around her waist, draw her close to him and her breath catches in her throat. He's not cold anymore. He's warm. He's so warm. "Maybe it was a gift. Because I sent you back. Because I was willing to let go of the only person I have ever loved. Because I sent you back. Maybe God or whoever the fuck controls this shit was giving us a chance to be together. A chance we wouldn't have had any other way."

"I…"

"Why does it matter what happened?" he questions. "I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm not going anywhere."

"…you're not?"

"Nah. You're stuck with me, babe."

"For how long?"

"For as long as you can put up with me."

She can't stop herself from smiling at him when he says that. And when he kisses her? Yeah, she gets that tingling feeling again. But it's not because he's cold. She wraps her arms around his neck and knows it's because he's very much alive. And because she doesn't have to say goodbye to him any time soon. And she has to admit that she couldn't have asked for anything more.

She doesn't know what's going to happen between the two of them. She doesn't know what life has in store for them. No one can ever know for sure. But what she knows is that he's there with her now.  
>And she'll keep him with her as long as she can.<p> 


End file.
